What nourishes you also destroys you

It's my mom's birthday party today. Lechon will be served later on tonight. I am not as excited as I should be, I noticed. I haven't really been in the mood for food.

You know there's this concept called "Inedia" or the ability to live without food. It's not really about starving to death or whatever. I feel that it's more spiritual, actually. I guess it's more of how we usually eat more than what's enough and it becomes just so unhealthy. Most of hunger is just in the mind, I believe, and many times our mind plays tricks on us.

Sometimes I wonder, how come I can eat 1 cup of rice and be full and sometimes eat more than 1 cup of rice and still be in the same level of fullness? It's as if I was just being impatient for the satisfaction to sink in and the excess food wasn't really necessary.

You know, most of our energy actually comes from the air we breathe. You can survive 30 days without food and yet only 3 mins without oxygen. I remember this story about a girl who survived 7 years without food and gets all her energy from the sun. It does seem like a fake story. But hey, it's true I spend most of my time in front of this laptop or out at night and not under the light of the sun--the one that gives our planet heat and life.

A few months ago, when looking for an internship job for school, I actually wanted to write about food. Someone even told me that it's ridiculous and that I can't write about food--I guess because I never really expressed interest in it or ever wrote specifically on food alone. That's why it's quite heartwarming when someone tells me "nabasa ko yung food blog mo ah"--oh wow, people actually like the way I write. It's authentic surprise, actually, and not trying to be condescending at all.

But then, as I have said, I don't really have that much appetite for food nowadays. I feel that all the unhealthy stuff (fats, caffeine, alcohol, sugar) or overeating will just add to my current disarray. Lately I've just been having what I believe to be enough as compared to how active (or lack of being) my lifestyle is.

Also, I focus on water, something I believe I lack, and is something that composes 75% of my body. We all know that we need at least 8 glasses of water a day and yet I know many times we don't reach it. I learned this the hard way around almost 2 years ago when I got kidney stones (some say it is something that is even more painful than giving birth).

I'm just really not in the mood; some sort of generic distaste for everything. Right now, you can tell me I've won a trip to Hawaii to tour the set of the TV show Lost and I probably would just shrug it off and not care. Everything is tasteless and black and white.

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